i have been stranger before.

i sit here feeling nauseous. it's a sick feeling. it's like...it's almost exactly like every other feeling...throat feels dry...irritation...normally vomitting is preceeded by an increase in saliva...when they tell you to stay away from the shadow beneath, you remember the best time you've had, was well, not reallly, quite all that. ok try to compensate...compensate...what were you saying mannnnnnnn...
ok relax...relax...i see beautiful creatures playing with beads begotten by beautiful creatures who played with beads created by who knows...see that's the problem of my people...denial...of course. kindly gentleman...i know of a gentleman...i know only one or two and i have never seen or met anymore...gentleman are amazing creatures...they are not proper...they are not at fault...they are focused and you cannot hate them...i see beautiful creatures playing with coloured beads that shine in the light and i see why they are so entertaining...you have to arrange them in all sorts of funny patterns and ask for more food or drink or catch forty winks...i feel sick...nauseous...it's a sick feeling it comes in waves...stomach growling...just bad chicken...the best part about being weak and weird is that you're going to be in for a wilder ride than anybody else...the best thing about being stupider than the average bear is that you can't understand the simple absence of light at the end of the tunnel...funnel...chemistry classes...glasses...my mother bought a pair for me, i hate them and never wear them...gem...my green ring, it broke...the gem is gone and only the band thing remains...sometimes i wear it for fun...it's huge and it's gawdy...it's not quite becoming...i wish i were a drummer...can't afford drums...settle for a guitar...can't play guitar...settle for new pencils...i can't sharpen a pencil...i think it's because i'm left handed but i have always had to ask somebody in the examination hall to sharp my pencil...K.B. never learnt how to tie his shoe laces...i used to do that for him...one very kind soul who could go on but then something went wrong and he broke away before i did...i did not break until long afterwards...my broken friends and i...we live in a house of mud. i wonder if you ever think about what people do when they're not around you...what if they just stand still. if that isn't what happens in real life... can't prove or disprove it...except if i stop being an anal probe and stop being an anal probe. man i have messed it up...isn't that a shame? why don't you take over since you're so good at doing this? would you like a ride? see the problem lies in the fact that we think that we see the bigger picture...we don't...except when we wipe our asses with toilet paper...that my friend...is the bigger picture...revealing itself unto us...cuss...nobody uses the word cuss anymore...i wonder why...first time i read it was in a comic strip called one big happy...one of the best in my opinion...i like calvin and hobbes...i've had a major thing for denis the menace's mom...i never read crap like dick tracy...that's for mad people...seriously only mad people would read horse shit like that...i hate dick tracy and dick tracy type comics...like the magician something...or something or the other...etc. i like comics though...grow...flow...know...so how is your life today? it's a good question. it's like this...always make sure your nails are clean or you will get caught...always make sure your room smells like...hahaha can't bother...that's the problem isn't it...you lost your marbles today. i've been ranting on about karez irrigation for no reason...it just popped into my head...i made a community on orkut...called karez irrigation rules...the community picture is a lamby thing being slaughtered...how why and what am i doing is beyond me...i sent invitations to everybody to join this community...and do what? i dunno...i laughed a lot...i laughed a lot at the lamb and at karez irrigation...what a silly thing karez irrigation must be...it sounds funny...who cares about balochistan?? who cares about under ground water resources...who cares about punjab...pakistan is a country full of dumb names...land of the pure my ass...it's just full of dumb names...butt...if i were named butt...i would die of shame...there's someone out there called seemal...why???????? why not just name your daughter labia? or clitoris? gross... i'm just letting the bad crap flow and letting the good crap rise...stop moving your leg goddamnit it's giving me a headache...sit still...type...silently...underground...flow away...we're all just goddamn karez's hahaahhaha...somebody just rips you out of some hole...and makes sure their life is made fertile by spreading yours around...and splashing bits and pieces of you everywhere...please don't feel the need to withstand the withering of your cradle...or bed...or house...mickey mouse...spouse...can't have one...will prolly live long enough to should've had one but i'll settle with a cat...try not to hump the creature...i see beautiful creatures playing with pretty coloured beads...seeds...of beautiful people...how can you hurt someone? what makes you feel the need to raise your hand and just smash it...hard...i enjoy the company of some people...doesn't matter what their age is...some people i look at for the first time and know that i will hate them...they probably have the same look in their eyes that i have...and that just annoys me but i'm not sure...some people i hate i can grow to stand but never really care for them...i'm sure they don't care either...which is good because i already have five mothers. nearly all my bullies have ended up my friends...all except one...except maybe now he would hit me not because i didn't let him before but because i didn't let him. what the heck is that supposed to mean? let's translate...he wanted to be friends again...i used to be cruel...the reason i had been his friend in the first place was because i had found him crying in class on the first day of school...in junior school...he had failed...i pitied him because i used to really fear failing...fear it to the point of going nuts over it . so i could relate...and i don't like people around me to be sad...it gives me gas. i have had other friends...one of my best friends used to beat the shit out of me...he refuses to admit it and beats the shit out of me if i ever remind him. this is boring...i am bored...disinterested...i can't find my goddamn copy of alice in wonderland...i always thought the author was a woman...not many people...and now i won't say it...it is now a secret...lips are sealed...peeled...hands in the winter...a tender void...from now on that's what i'm calling assholes...tender voids...hahaha...there's something missing...my jaw is shut too tight...like a clamp...weird staring eyes...reddish...i notice how people laugh...i'm made fun of the most for my laughter...keeping up with their limitless efforts to generate originality, people seem to be united in calling it "insane" laughter...how cool is that...in reality i laugh like a goat being struck by lightening...paranoia...tension...pills...fun...adrenaline...lost...i asked my love to come help me back in my time of need...dude that is not going to happen...because you're a circus monkey.
death is going to be a funny end to your life...but only if you manage to amass lots and lots of wealth and spawn over a hundred heirs...then leave your will with the following message written in letters of a fiery gold for all to read, "oho...aap so rahhi thhi?"


(pana will laugh)
martin pale...is bound to fail.