waiting in the winter.rolling in the rubber.

the other day i was sitting in my car and i saw this guy staring at me, sitting in his car. since we were both sitting in cars...it was only natural that i felt a bit like him. take out the wrench, mess his car up, leave him bleeding in the face. i guess he doesn't feel like me anymore. sometimes you just can't help it. you want to take something, all nice and pretty and smash it so hard on the floor that it would scream or at least point and laugh. i'm thinking about buying one of those do it yourself, car models or aeroplane models, or any thing...intricate enough to keep my mind off of stuff...and other stuff. joke. my friend can bowl. i can roll. i used to roll in parks a lot...but now i'm too old to do that. very old. so i stepped out of the car...went over to the gate and stood watching...it was cold...the lights were crazy...so was the annoying gatekeeper...kept asking me who it was i wanted to see. if i could see him i'd let you know that i'm seeing him...at the moment i'm not seeing anything...so then i had to jump the gate because i'd locked my keys in the car...how did i do that...? the keys were in my hand, my hand was around the keys...so it's obvious then...i must've left my hand in the car as well...i took the bloody stump of my arm out of my pocket and tried to stem the flow with a couple of leaves...i found that slightly ironic...stem the flow with leaves...but it was all too quick for me to ponder over all the implications. i hailed a rikshaw...he said ok. the weed was in a hole in the pocket of my coat...and slipping all the way to my back...near the spine...i wondered if that was a bad thing...not on the spine damnit...keep your distance...how about the face...? yeah ok...just don't let me be crippled...there's stuff i need to do...so i walked out and asked this guy to give me a spare key...got back in a rickshaw...200 down the drain...again...miserable. i was hungry, cold, feeling the need to urinate...i found some cold omellete...half of it was nowhere to be seen...for a wild second i thought it might actually be invisible and touched the plate to feel it...i was wrong...can't say that that happens often but sometimes you have to stop, wash the pony and admit defeat...maybe next time she'll run faster...so fast you'll never notice her. good luck with that herpes stuff man...it's not cool to be all those things and more. all the sad drugees were actually an important part of the romantic culture...because nobody else could be bothered half as much as these guys...once on the stage i saw a wild, raving lunatic...scramble down the front row...screaming his head off about how he never wore peace signs and that the guilt was too much for him...reaching over the audience he grabbed a couple of them and started banging their heads together...i assumed he was just trying to knock some sense into them and skipped that scene. a popping sound was heard later...my bleeding stump of an arm...how the hell was i going to drive home now??? i started laughing in the car...scared the boy who fetched me cigarettes...i asked the rikshaw driver for five rupees...he gave me ten and left. my back was in pain...i think it was actually effecting my spine. break fluid...i obviously needed break fluid...eureka i thought...not even archimedes could've thought of that...i poured a bit of it on my arm...it didn't work. i retraced my steps back to the exact location where it seems i had lost my keys...at that point i put my arm back in my pocket and walked back...soon i pulled out my arm again...it was whole...no bleeding...no choppage. the keys were in them cold new fingers. what about the rickshaw then? i thought...i guess i owe him ten for the smokes. unwashed hair and smelly gonads...this was just night time in the city for lunatics who drive too fast on drugs and road rage...personal victory...it was geting so dark that it was almost boring...but then flashes of light...red yellow green and then zooooom...off into the toilet bowl of crazy people...i drove like mad...the stump had been renewed...the weed was back on my bed and not in my spine...on the back of the guitar, the mixture lay...but not for long...apply spit before lighting up...amateur...mind numbing nonsense of nocturnal creatures...even worse sermons by live-at-home preachers...i researched all the evidence against him but there was no point...it was his word against mine and his tie was politically correct...i turned the car off...opened the door to my room...it said 50% off on free delivery. it was supposed to be a joke...nobody got it...and then there came a time when it became so reclusive...actually beyond reclusive that nobody could get a word in edgeways...this discouraged most of everybody...i think the really low point was when i started mumbling in my mouth...really really fast...about things that i had really nothing much to do with...i apllied myself to the nest. horizontal. sleep was important...i think it was critical who said it first but i found myself opening a door marked, "there is hope, but not for us."