what day is this anyway?

constantly surrounded by music and you start valuing silence, at least with this bunch. this heavy breathing...muscles waiting for something to snap. lungs are having fun...sparkly watery misty breath. winter's going home. going off topic because not entirely sure how we got here. spent what seemed like hours...ours...sitting with pana and the reluctant band member...mutants, lost and senseless. playing bits of original music made by the squishy pulpy juice of a thousand useless songs. singing like crazy to a tune i've never heard before...it's interesting...it's very loose...calm...and sort of like when you change your position but you're not really uncomfortable either way...no matter how far back you lean you will never fall off...no matter how high you fly you won't hit a ceiling...and this fan doesn't chop you in half.
have to go meet school...ask him how he's been...if he thought he would see me again...if he missed me at all...if i can come back for another year...i think that last one will be a ' no.'
didn't get called by trg...relief...no work...now it's pana's turn to sacrifice his soul for us...
i drove a car today. as always i found myself on a road that didn't seem altogether too familiar whilst molly screamed in my ear...disbelief...how can someone be so...absent minded...retarded...lost.
pana has been pointing out the fact that i have started trembling too much. i have to pretend to be an excellent surgeon just to take a puff...of...mutancy. it's insane...my hands shake like crazy...taking extra care to remove traces of traces from their hiding places...make sure padlocked...some people have curly brown hair through proper brushing...others just give in...fine...do as you please you infectious disease. i have said so before...and i enjoyed it then...and i enjoy it now...i am not sorry...but i would like to apologize...
i have the blues...very strong ones at that. i have made sentences that i can't understand and loads of times i have to wait for the right time...i don't like waiting...it feels too much of a bother...the crownless king and i waited for a bus once...we left, once it arrived...it was just a bit of life trying to slap me in the face and ask me how i'm doing. if i thought i'd ever see it again...if i had missed it at all...if i would like to come back for another year...that last one should've been a 'no' but...it's not like i have a choice.

free will is when you can understand what the other person is saying...know that in his mind it must be true...and then go on believing whatever it is that you believe...or maybe this is not freewill...
that...however...is free will.
telephones are annoying.
hahaha my...mamoo just called. said he was listening to my song...said he liked it. this is the first time that this guy has called me in...well around 20 years. for a wild crazy second i thought that he might know i'm...er...misplced right now...who knows man? it's plain paranoia...unreasonable as sin. so he says something and for a second i thought he'd said, "ye main tumharay baaray mein kya sun rahha hoon?"
and i was about to crap my pants...obviously moddy...or a friend of his...a squealer...but moddy doesn't know...what doesn't he know...he knows enough...good God...i'm dead.
"ji?"
"ye main tera gana sun rahha hoon..."
"aah acha......fit."

anyhoo...since my mellow...sexed up mood has been flushed down...and i can't think anything other than "this feels heavy...it's like a brick in my head." it's a shame when you turn around and you find a camera inide what you thought was your television.

martin pale...time to fail...stutter drool...go back to school.