creamation of pants

i just had the urge to say the following to my mother, "pyaari lug rahhi hai tu aaj burrhiya..."
i think i'll save that for her birthday. i have no idea when her birthday is. but this is the sort of thing i say often...apart from "burrhiya...ja maeray liyye bhang wala dood le ker aa...ja shabash." she never complies. this is why they can never tell when i'm sober or not.
i was trying to fall asleep...i lay in bed for hours...by bed i mean the nest i have made for myself on the floor...not the actual bed...i do not sleep on beds alone as a rule...unless it's a disease...this could have two meanings...or none. what a load of bullshit. it's 6 in the morning...i can't sleep.
probably need my pills...but tonight i decided to use my old 'tried and tested' method of curing insomnia. this method requires you to think about all the pretty girls you have come across... in order of appreciation or otherwise...and do stuff to them inside your head that they would never let you do in real life...even if i write this sentence a million times...i would never care for it...because the sentence i like goes something like this,
"wazzup maen?"

so anyhoo...from shiny to breakfast, lunch, and dinner found in airports, stations, dreams, hallucinations, uzbekistan and khalida riyasat...the one who died on me and married somebody else before she committed that horrendous sin. to be quite honest...picturing khalida riyasat would just be disturbing...i mean seriously...i'm too sober to write this...no khalida riyasat was my partner in deceit and nothing more than a creation of cancer worth appreciation of boy.
shiny...ahem...no, we don't touch that one...moving on...much love though.
breakfast, lunch, dinner...dinner...boys at dinners look better in mirrors...at least to themselves...it is widely...(nine metres) known that i am gay...i am not...i can prove it...and whilst proving my non gayness i shall also prove that xanax does not cause loss of erections...you need not worry my love...it's not like i'm ever going to do anything constructive with it anyway.
i have been to minigolf twice in my life. minigolf...a place filled with people who are not aware of the fact that they are not worth a regular sized golf course.
the first time i went there was with my cousin...i sat in silence and watched him smoke.
the second time i went there was with my boarder friends...i sat in silence and watched them smoke. i enjoyed the second time for two reasons...i was in good company...i had 'chicken boobs with cheese' to eat...and eat i did. we sat on this elevated...platform...thing...there was a pool table up ahead...elevated,platform,shack, in this weird shack thing...when i'm unsure of what i'm saying i end it with the word "thing" now you know...leave me alone. also... i have no words to describe something which is neither good nor bad...so i use the word "weird" a lot...i'm leaving these instructions for myself so that in a month when i've lost enough of my mind to not remember how i used to write and what i mean by something...i'll...for the love of God...i swear i don't remember what i just wrote...i have to learn to type whilst looking at the monitor...and i have to learn to not delete an entire sentence in order to get at one...one shitty thing...just use the mouse...louse. so anyhoo...i see i was in the shack place with the pool tables...there was a lake behind me and a creature which seemed to be taking hold of people and making them fly round and round in vertical circles...i wrote that fast and i won't think to check if i wanted the word vertical or horizontal. i really wanted to have a go on that strange swing...but i decided not to put my boarder friends to the test of fishing me out of the lake. there was a boat somewhere in here. the light was dim in the shack...my memory is like the elusive boob...you can reach out to touch it but you know all you're going to feel is the smooth flat surface of the monitor screen. so it's quite possible that the shack looked nothing like a shack. i was sitting in the middle of the muddle and the smoke and the boarder friends...boarder friends...boarder friends are friends who will not foresake you for a girl...some of them may want to...some of them may not...fear the ones who may not and love the ones who may want to but don't...otherwise your tender void will get tenderer...
right then...so i was sitting in the middle and through the gloom i saw a girl.
as a rule and i have many of those...many because every now and then i can break a new one and feel like a rebel. as a rule i don't look at girls...if i am being watched...or they know they are being watched...i take it as an art rather than a crude method of obtaining more reasons for wanking off...i am a fool. but this one time...i decided...that since it was dim...and so was i...there was no harm in being shameless...the girl in question...sat up ahead...for some reason it seems farther than she actually was...she was kind of dark...long black hair...(lang block hair)...small...size doesn;t matter if everything is proportionate. (the obvious exception is my penis...or isildur's bane as i like to call it...) there sat the mini-golf girl...with long black hair...and she was small...hahahaha...i loff. funny little girl she was...ok now she seems like a hobbit...this is not going well...if she reads this...castration. i think i'm finally sleepy...excellent...i haven't used the mini-golf girl for this sort of thing for quite a while...thankyou mini golf girl...right...so anyhoo...let's continue the story...the girl sat way over there...in front...there were two pool tables i think...i decided to stare...so i stared...it was unsettling...the staring business...i felt nude...lord knows what she felt because she stared back...i swear...sparks flew like mothers in a barnyard...lord knows what that means...i'm sleepy...i had to do something...or it would become a staring contest...you know...i stared quite a lot...in fact she didn't notice until after i burnt her blouse off with my laser vision thing...then i took off her pants for some hindsight...(i'm very sorry mini golf girl...i feel cruel...you are allowed to visit my blog and leave your number...i swear i won't call...you were out of my league...and still are in my mind) ...so i stared at the girl because she was pretty and all...but too far away to note the finer details...naturally since we were a battalion of boys...she would look our way every now and then...and saw me staring at her...and possibly drooling. i panicked...lost my cool...never had any cool in the first place...i lost my it...i lost it. i stared for perhaps one eighth of a second longer than i felt that i should and then looked away. so did she...we continued this strange game three more times...it was a shameless orgy i tell you...shameless orgy. forgive me lord for i have sinned type scene. so she left and eventually so did we...i think half of us went to lums...to sleep. less than half of the half actually belonged to lums...no wait...wait...yes i think i have both my nipples on...good. i slept on a bed in lums...as a rule i never sleep on a bed alone...i don't break this rule in lums. 7 in the mowaarning.

i have noticed that at the moment i am happy...i have only one real reason to be happy...sometimes you're happy...and that's just as good a reason for me to be happy if you know what i mean...the fairest queen...the river daughter...i could have caught her. right then...off to work...work? i have spent the last two days of my life in extreme pain...the only part of my body that is still mutant are my arms and wrists...the crescendo of insanity has left my ears...finally...it was just...a bad trip...or something...i'm a weak maggot...

i have been to lums four times...perhaps...maybe more...i have been to lums three times with a paper clip in my mouth. i have only been scared once in lums. it's a nice place...it could've been nicer...but i never applied. it's full of beautiful people with expensive clothes and large cars...large does not mean nice...unless if we're talking about a penis..."isildur's bane" is way better than "gimli son of gloin"...if you know what i mean...and i will take off your bra when i close my eyes if you are not careful...robert de niro...will never be waxy...never!
old mother hub bard...(ANDAruil; flame of the west) made fun of molly (gimli son of gloin) and my (isildur's bane) clothes. actually to be honest he only made fun of my clothes...i just mentioned molly so i could give somebody "gimli son of gloin"...khosa...(samwise gamgee)
adil (princess mariana's trench hahaahhaah)
right...i think i'm done...very sleepy...insulted minigolf girl as well as adil...molly...girth counts...i'm only guessing...sleepiness equals drunkenness if you've never been drunk. making up lame jokes reminds me of my last few months in school...

martin pale (can tell a smile from a veil)