raqs-e-misanthropy.

today i walked back through a door labeled, "i swing both ways."
i figure, hiding in your own words is an enjoyable past time...last time i discovered this fact, i was crazy enough to let my mind go wandering in secluded corners, lit by a reddish glow that accentuates the darkness and always somehow manages to make it so that in these circumstances, foreheads and eyes seem to be all there is to it...and if you add a couple of lips to the equation then you have a good reason to stare. smokey red light in hidden corners of the mind where you can do whatever the hell it is that you wish to do...too bad you can't do it in real life...
exactly what CAN'T you do in real life? what do you WANT to do martin?
hor na koi dil diyaan maerian kadraan pehchaanay
main sawali jaida nai koi zawal. etc. it's not a great thing to be amazingly lost and in denial. lethargy. procrastination. two other big words that describe the same disease. humor. sooner or later, people around me will grow up...realise that i'm a bigger idiot than they thought i was...then stop wondering if there's something more to the story...perhaps realise i'm just retarded is all...that i have seen nothing that makes everything else insignificant but then what is it that i DON'T know? ok so in this scenario...you're obviously not grown up enough to realise that i know nothing. heck i could trip over my own words and break my neck in five different places. but to be quite honest...i HAVE seen something that makes everything else insignificant...i don't mean shiny...i mean...something else...or maybe i'm just trying to hide behind my own words. fear of everything in your surroundings. i don't intend to be of interest. i intend to leave...SOMEHOW. hahaha. apparently leaving is impossible when your nuts belong to a second party.
i think it would've been more apt if it had gone like, "main sawali jaida nai koi sawal." so what do you see when you go through a door that says, "i swing both ways." ??? you see nothing...there's nothing there...or at least there's nothing there that you can DO anything about...so in the end you just shrug, turn about face and go back where you came from, therefore the door, swings both ways. perfect continuous. perfectly imperfect is how i like my crazies. or at least imperfect in the most perfect sense. like uneven teeth that fit in your mouth. or unimaginably complex methods of contraception that lead nowhere. but that's the point of contraception...so that it doesn't lead to anything...nothing procreative anyway. when you decide that nothing can be done...this is where you completely lose and turn into a fart. case in point, me. i have decided that nothing can be done...about anything...except tuning...you can just keep on changing the tuning and play the same goddamn chords till your fingers fall off. eventually of course, you run out of tunings...haha...tunings...and then you smash your face into a brick wall and wait for the tall dude in the cloak to come get you. not many people know this but sometimes the grim reaper wears stilts...to seem more...thingy.
reflex actions and muscle memory are shit. isn't it hard enough to forget how to do stuff without having other ways of doing stuff? insane. some people want more out of life or at least are worried about it...i think playing with lego, although not too productive in the long run...is fun. i know eventually...i'll be driving your cars over cliffs...and pissing in your food...or beating the crap out of your children or raping your wife...etc...but at least in the meantime...i'm enjoying myself preparing for the inevitable divide to rear its head and leave me so far below your class...in more ways than one...that i'll have to kill you just to prove to myself that...hey...if i can kill him...he must not be "all that" after all...hahaha...the door swings both ways and you wonder why it smacks you on the ass? it's amazing how i don't seem to have a point...i mean i have one but i'm not really interested in divulging what it is...by the way...i'm thinking about coming up with a subliminal message for myself...hhahaha...i have a lot of time on my hands...and i really don't want to use it productively...so what i'll do is amuse myself by acting like an idiot...i'm reading each word slowly...as i type...in a voice that isn't mine...in an accent that i wouldn't be able to pull off...even if i tried it infront of deaf people...but i'm too lost to care...i think i'll judge anybody who manages to read this entire...passage thing...i mean...how much free time do YOU have?? you have a career to build and smiles to fake. i cannot keep up with my mind...there are too many people inside.
raqs-e-misanthropy...Critical came up with that apparently. he's good at that sort of thing...very creative. it's a nice dance...you move forwards...you get shat on...you move backwards...and wear the grudge like a crown...