The house of Accountants

The house across the park where the annual harvest festival was held was probably the most interesting and fascinating examples of architecture in the town. It had a touch of the primitive wedded with the melancholic and the post modern. Nobody was entirely sure when this house had been constructed but it was an incredible sight and a great tourist attraction, not to mention the fact that it was a convenient spot for pushers and pimps to conduct their business.

The family that lived here was considered noble as well as reclusive at the same time. This large house…where behind closed doors so many centuries had fallen away to nothing was still as immense to look at as it had been years and years ago…the imagination of a simple person could not comprehend what it would look like from the inside…and for some reason…nobody was bothered by the fact that nobody ever seemed to leave or come to this house. In all the years it had stood…the people who lived in it just lived on…not a casket had been seen taken in…nor a body taken out…nobody ever fell ill…nobody ever inquired about the family…in fact for all anybody knew…nobody lived in the house, except, of course…the caretaker…old mister Pantywaist.

Pantywaist was a retard from birth but had still fought in the great war…due to sheer lack of able men and the onset of desperation he had been reluctantly conducted into the army and sent off to fight for his country (he soon forgot which country he was supposed to be fighting for and as a result spent most of his time in a p.o.w. camp run by his own fellow countrymen who had confused him for an enemy spy. The war was therefore not a very pleasant experience for the simple-minded pantywaist…from whence he returned slightly more addled than before.

Nobody knew how Pantywaist came into the employ of the Sell family but he was often seen to be running errands in the name of his master whom he referred to as Mister Sell.
The back wall of the house of Sell was completely covered in rat sperm but only one person knew of this…retired Colonel Seaman had taken up the hobby of forensic studies…for some odd reason…and had one day decided to examine the back wall of the house of Sell…for his able eye had noticed a strange colouration that he had never seen before on any brick wall…he took samples of the “paint” from the wall and discovered after a few tests that it was rat sperm. he tried to communicate his findings to a local newspaper and was never heard from again. His body was found scantily dressed behind some bushes in front of Pantywaist’s home. His breasts had become at least five times as big as they used to be…but his penis was nowhere to be found.

Five years later…old Pantywaist walked in a police station crying like a mad man…spat an old shriveled dick on the sergeants table…and confessed to the murder of the retired army gentleman. Claimed that the Colonel had been unusually cruel to him in the p.o.w. camp.
That was perhaps the first time that something peculiar had happened which was in anyway connected to the Sell family…for Pantywaist was, after all, their servant.

Mister Sell was asked to come to a hearing…he got confused and started having sex with a fish…apparently he was hard of hearing…
The legal system was a mess…it took far too long to get it over with (around ten thousand years) and by the end of this ordeal, Mister Sell had completely lost his mind...and was last seen babbling around town pulling out his hair and screaming...what followed was only inevitable.