dunno where i've been

I walk around with different models of goofy smiles…it’s hard to type…I’m beyond mutancy right now…random thoughts are pillaging my mind…or at least surrendering at the gates of consciousness and falling short of complete and total chaos…”stoned immaculate” is the term I believe. You know you’re messed up when typing feels like diarrhea. I don’t know about those few seconds of craziness when you realize you haven’t inhaled in a very long time…panic…shit…breathe…breathe…ok relax…slip away.
My mother told me once that one day, I would find the world. She said, “one day you’re going to find the world…or at least the world will find you…now once you’ve seen the world you’ll never be the same again because it will be too beautiful to forget…you’ll fall easily for it and forget your life before it…somehow…you have to look past her beauty and you’ll find that it’s not worth it.”
Seclusion. Everybody is the enemy. Your nails are filthy. Remember to breathe.
At the moment I suppose everything is alright…in fact once when I was a little boy, everything was alright…but I guess time takes a little time and everything is alright…all these things in my mind are leaving me behind…right…funny joke.
Some people are considered to be “out of the box” thinkers…the box is there…it’s just a larger boxes…on a long enough scale everybody has a box…even ted bundy had walls…
Who are these people walking around me talking and laughing… am I still visible? Did somebody just look at you? Did you forget to zip up your pants properly? Turn around and pretend and then skip a little, joke about condoms and the lack thereof…what a pathetic little gene pool you have here grandma…
All the better to box you with.
I hate typing in “word”. Word seems to disagree with me on everything…we’re complete enemies of one another…Word doesn’t think my writing is in English…I think it’s close enough…but all these red lines and green lines…they’re discouraging…I don’t want to reconsider my fragmentation you damn fool…it’s not like I considered it in the first place. Completely forgot my smokey orange juice…I like pulp. Involuntary body jerking. Places become flashes of light and colour. Weird funny flashes that you can’t properly place or be sure of.
Not a single sentence is up to the standards of mister Word. Everything is wrong…reconsider this, reconsider that…I’ll consider humping you, you anal upstart. Where did she come from anyway…what was I doing. I’m getting the hang of the physical part but now the mental department is going down. Complete…brink of awake. The floor is sloping. Slopey floor. Returning back to normal…listen here Word…!!! I am insulted there was this one time when I was standing somewhere waiting…I think I wait a lot…I have to stop that as soon as I remember where this story was headed…write at the speed of thought because the telephone is in use…losing focus entirely…it would not be the best of plans to collapse in front of so many people…orange juice finished…turd factory on orange alert…slip on your new pair of underwear my friend…this is going to be a rough one. Now…see…nails are difficult…they o it on purpose actually…how are you supposed to make sure they don’t screw around?? Whoa….back…remotely qued…heavy feeling…nothing has been unpleasant though…it makes a lot of sense to draw your brain out for the strange to consider and then push back your reclining chair to marvel over your precious empire of crap. Fragment consider revising…damn Word. Back pain…for a long time…time for bed or floatation…whatever comes first. Headache beats everything.